Brief thoughts

Ahhh it grows late. I haven't written for a while but was determined to get at least something done on my blog. Recently I have found my interest in Fiesta waining. I just have so many other things to do that it's tough to get it all in plus have any gaming time. Not to mention that if I have my vendor stuff open during the day I find that it distracts me from the other things I'm doing. So it's tough to say how much longer I will be actively playing.

In my gaming I have noticed some other stuff that has come up for me. Specifically concerning my leadership. I found that I have been less motivated to be the party leader. Part of the reason is that I joined a guild in the game,"Pepsi" (yay), and now am working with players that are more advanced than I, that has created a space where I'm not sure where I fit in, as the places that they take me I'm the newest player and have stuff to learn from them. Actually that puts me in the space of a learner and I am open to that role. What I am also noticing though is I feel less confident and getting to my bottom line, get the feeling that I don't want to fail or let anyone down and so I don't risk inviting to the party. I get the feeling the resolution for me is, Be the party leader anyway. The worse that can happen is I fail. I'll have other opportunities and the failed attempt can provide some valuable insight and learning. If I am willing to learn from my mistakes, I'll do better the next times. Taking that into life, I get the feeling I'm doing the same thing, where I'm not really taking life by the horns and stepping up to be the leader. I like my guild, but I think what I've also created for myself is I tend to hang out and chat with guild members only (and they are totally cool :) ) instead of going out and making new friends too. One thing that I can do is make sure I'm reaching out to others that I don't know as well.

Anyway just a brief note for this evening, I've had a lot of thoughts lately but the rest belong with the other blog.